How To Tame A Bad Boy
by Cezz2010
Summary: DEADLIEST CATCH FIC - *Reposting this story!* Charlie is in Dutch Harbor, running away from her past & looking for a job... Rated M for language only! My first attempt at a DC story
1. Chapter 1

**How To Tame A Bad Boy**

**Chapter One: A Chance Meeting**

There I was sitting in the bar at Dutch Harbor, being bored to almost insanity with the same story being told by Old Jim. I mean, bless him, he meant well, but I simply couldn't stand it any more. For nearly two weeks, I had sat in the same bar, drank the same drink, and heard the same god damned story he had to tell. I needed a job, and soon, before I did eventually go insane, or worse I killed him. I went through the polite motions, smiling and nodding, even laughing at the same punchlines, as I did every time, secretly hoping he would keel over with a heart attack. OK, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but believe me, you would feel the same way to, if you met him!

Suddenly as he was getting near to the end of his story, the door of the bar swung open, bringing a fresh bite of air with it. That's when I saw him, he swaggered in, with an air of pure confidence. He surveyed the sorry scene in the bar, scanning the room twice, until he looked straight at me. Then he walked over. Old Jim smiled a hello, and made his excuses to leave the table where he had been sitting with me. Yeah, great, one sight of this man, and now he leaves! The man stood there, with what can only be described as a pained look on his face, for what seemed like an eternity, before he decided to speak.

"Are you looking for a job on a crab boat?" His voice grumbled at me. 'Hello, nice to meet you to!' I thought. He was straight to the point, I liked him already.

"Yes" I said, trying to sound as confident as possible.

"Have you ever worked on a crab boat before?" His quick fire response threw me off guard. Well, better be honest I guess.

"No" I answered. My confidence was slowly heading out of the bar. He sighed, paused for a moment. He was thinking. "Have you ever worked on a fishing boat, period?"

'Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck!' I screamed to myself. I wanted to tell him he was killing me with these questions!

"No" I said it and looked down at my drink, but not before I saw my confidence flip me off before heading out the door.

"Fuck!" He had said it quietly, but I heard him. I looked up and shrugged. "Sorry"

He shifted from one foot to the next and shoved his hands in his pockets turning to leave, but he paused for a moment. He let out another deep sigh, boy was this guy a deep thinker!

"Look, I need a crew member. You need a job... so, if you want it, the job's yours"

I looked up with a look that probably said 'are you fucking crazy?' before nervously asking. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'm probably crazy, my brother's definitely gonna kill me, and the crew... well, we'll deal with that later, but the offer still stands... it's yours if you want it"

I grinned and stood up, pulling my bag with me from under the table. "Well Captain, I'm already packed, so let's go before we both change our minds!"

He smiled, and boy what a smile it was. But with that we made our way to what would be my new home. That was the day that changed my life, that was the day I met Johnathan Hillstrand.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: An Icy Welcome**

As we made our way to the boat, I was starting to feel more than a little nervous. I had done tough jobs sure, but me an British woman, about to go crab fishing in the Bering Sea. On the Time Bandit no less. Captained by the self proclaimed 'Bad Boys of The Bering Sea', the amusingly dubbed 'Party Boat'. One thing was for sure, I was going to have to pull all of my experience and strong resolve out of the bag for this one. But because I was British, I of course was no quitter.

We reached the Time Bandit, and only one thought came to my head, that she was so much bigger than I had ever imagined. Johnathan hopped aboard, turning only to take my bag, and to watch my attempt at boarding. Which, thankfully I managed to do with my dignity still relatively intact.

"Well, congratulations, you made it aboard, that's one test passed. I gotta go talk to my bro', there's the rest of the crew, get acquainted"

He chucked my bag back at me, then turned to walk across the deck. As he went inside, I suddenly felt a shiver run down my spine, made worse with the resounding slam as he shut the door. I turned to face the rest of the crew, who were staring at me like I was an alien.

"Dude, is that the new crew member?"

"It can't be"

"It's a woman"

"I want Eddy back"

"We're so fucking screwed!"

I stood there listening, inwardly agreeing that they could be right, but trying desperately not to let my face show it. Then like a group of synchronised swimmers they turned and went about their work, I guess they got bored, or figured if they ignored me I would disappear, like the bad dream they desperately hoped I was. Then suddenly from out of nowhere, an almighty row broke the silence on deck, it was coming from the wheelhouse. The crew turned to look up at the windows, and although none of us could hear everything, a few words could clearly be heard. Unfortunately I knew it was about me.

"... fucking woman!"

"... needed someone"

"...not fucking happening"

"Andy... only person"

"I... fucking care... fucking woman on board!"

I looked down at my boots, certain that my time on a crab boat was going to end before it had actually even started. The crew just looked at me, half pitying, half sneering, but slowly returned back to their jobs.

I physically jumped when the door to the deck slammed open, and a man came storming out. This man looked pissed, and I mean, would tear someone's head off for breathing too loudly, type of pissed. He marched over to me, pushing his face into mine, I tried, rather successfully, to stand my ground. If he was going to fire me, I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was intimidated. He raised a finger to point at me, but before he could say anything, there came a voice over the hailer. A voice that growled rather than spoke, a voice that dripped with authority, a voice, I was surprised to find, was standing up for me.

"Andy, Don't. Even. Think about it!"

Andy looked up at the wheelhouse, smiling wryly, he turned back to look at me. "Let me make something perfectly clear to you, if it was Opie season, you'd be so fucking fired, you're ass would bounce all the way back to that bar!" But it's not, so, I guess it's Welcome to the Time Bandit"

I couldn't believe it, I was officially working on a crab boat! I took a breath, I was about to speak, but I think he read my mind.

"If you say thank you, I may have to kill you!" With that he stormed back into the boat, I sighed, this was going to be harder than I thought. I stood there, not sure what I was supposed to do, when his voice over the hailer came to my rescue all over again.

"Scott! Show the new girl where she'll be sleeping, and give her the tour would ya?"

Scott turned, giving a thumbs up to the wheelhouse, he smiled, walked over and took my bag.

"Come on then new girl, let's get ya settled!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Getting To Grips with Things.**

I had spent the last 36 hours getting to grips with the way the Time Bandit worked while we had been steaming off for the Hillstrand brothers favoured crab grounds. I had developed a bit of a friendship with Scott, who I'd found out was Johnathan's son, well I say friendship, more a 'friendly' manner when the other crew members were not around. None of them were outwardly mean, but they definitely did not like having a woman on board I had found out that I was replacing Eddy, who had injured his ankle, so was unable to work. I was told that I was a 'greenhorn', and as such I had been assigned the mundane jobs, cooking and making coffee. Occasionally I was asked to take coffee up to the wheelhouse. It was awkward with Andy up there, glaring daggers at me as I gave him his coffee, but one smile from Johnathan was all I needed to gain my confidence and composure. I had even heard a snippet of a conversation once as I was leaving the wheelhouse.

"Dude, you do realise you don't scare her right?" Followed by a hearty laugh. I had to keep from laughing myself, if only he knew!

But do you know something, all the crew, even Scott, did not know my name! They never asked, so I never told them. I was just dubbed new girl and that was it. But now the moment of truth had arrived and we were getting our rain gear on, time to set the pots. Being the Greenhorn I was going to be responsible for baiting the pots, great, dealing with stinky cod fish, and god knows what else! For the first time, in a long time I seriously started to wonder why I was here. Because you need to prove to them you can do it, I mentally reminded myself.

As the door opened to the deck, a serious feeling of nausea came over me, not sea sickness, self doubt. I scolded myself and pushed my way out the door, determined to be the best damned Greenhorn they had ever seen. The weather was rough, rougher than anything I had ever seen, it was fairly intimidating to see waves taller than the boat, it was like we were a child's bath toy. I was shown the basics of what I was expected to keep up with by Scott, who quietly wished me good luck as he scooted off to help the others. After the tenth pot in the string, I was starting to get the hang of it, I was bruised to hell with climbing in and out of the pots, but I think I was doing a good job with keeping up with them all. Not that I was given any feedback, but I guessed that because they were not yelling at me, it had to be a good thing!

However, I don't know if it was my over confidence, extremely bad judgement, or just sheer bad luck, but I was about to get an extremely harsh wake up call to the full dangers of the job. While we had been out there the weather had been getting rougher, with the odd few growls from the hailer telling us to watch out for waves. I had just finished baiting a pot, and as I climbed out, decided to hang about a bit to watch the guys throwing the buoy bags over with the pot, instead of heading back to the bait station. The next thing I knew, his voice growled over the hailer.

"Watch out, hang on guys, it's gonna be a big one!"

That was the only warning we got, the next moment a massive wave came crashing over the bow, flooding the deck and knocking me flat on my arse, sending me sliding around the deck like a rag doll I literally grabbed out at anything within reach, and felt relief when my hand found the leg of the metal sorting table. I desperately tried to catch my breath, I felt like someone had knocked ten barrels of shit out of me. I slowly got to my feet, looking around, to find to my surprise, concerned looks on all the guys faces.

I put my hands up in the air. "I'm alright, guess the bitch wants to play rough with me on my first day!"

The guys smiled, and turned to go back to work for the next pot, satisfied I was OK. The next thing I knew a chuckle came over the hailer.

"Still with us new girl?"

I simply turned, gave my best salute and went back to the baiting station. If I wasn't mistaken I'd say I just jumped up the respect ladder with these guys, maybe I could make this work after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: A Warmer Reception**

After my impression of a hockey puck across deck, it was like the Bering Sea decided that I was strong enough to hack it, and the weather seemed to clear up. We stayed out for another 10 hours on deck, when were finally told we could come inside, as we all slowly headed in, I could see by the looks on everyone's faces, I was not the only one hurting. Taking off my rain gear, I felt my muscles start to burn, as my body started to warm up, I winced with every twinge. Scott looked over at me with a sympathetic smile.

"Takes some getting used to, but the way you handled that wave, I reckon we'll make a deckhand out of you yet!"

Russell just snorted, shook his head and walked off towards the galley. Russell was one of the older deckhands, and I knew he was going to be one of the last people on this boat to accept me, even after Andy, who I'd noticed was keeping the glaring to a minimum, especially since I'd found out his favourite meal, and apparently 'made a good job of it'

"Thanks Scott"

I smiled back at him, grateful of the compliment he had just given me, he shrugged in reply, smiled and took off for the galley. After stretching my back out a little, I wandered off towards the galley, grateful that for the first time I was not the one asked to cook. As I walked into the galley, I noticed Scott talking with Andy, I automatically put my head down and went to sit at the table. I don't know what it was about him that made me so nervous, I mean I knew he didn't like me, but I had met other people like him in my past life, they were never a problem for me, but Andy, well he was like a completely new breed. As I sat down, I noticed their conversation stopped and they both joined me at the table. Andy looked uncomfortable, almost like he had sat on a bag full of broken glass, I noticed that it was the same look Johnathan had had when he was considering hiring me.

"Look" He paused, he was struggling to form his words, and I found it highly amusing, but decided better than to smile, which I knew would provoke an unwanted reaction. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you when you first came on-board I've seen you working today, and you're doing a good job"

He looked down at his hands, which he had laid flat on the table.

"Thanks" I didn't know what else to say, I mean I didn't want to prolong the poor guy's agony. I think he realised that I was trying to help him, and gave me a half smile, stood up and went up the stairs to the wheelhouse.

Suddenly there were cheers from the crew as Mike came out with the food, we had steaks with all kinds of fattening extras. I soon learnt that if you were not quick, you missed out, boy could these guys eat! The meal was spent quietly eating, with the odd few jokes shared between themselves, occasionally involving me, more when they were laughing about my 'failed surfing' as they called it. But I got the genuine feeling they were more accepting of me, so I didn't mind the ridiculing, after all it was the norm on a crab boat. As they all finished, and got up to catch some shut eye, I eventually found myself alone at the table, and feeling contented with a full stomach I felt my eye's slowly closing, sleep slowly taking over my body. Unfortunately just as I was giving up the fight, I heard someone coming down the stairs from the wheelhouse. My eyes snapped open to see Johnathan walking over to the table.

"Did those vultures leave anything, I'm starving!"

"I think there may be a couple of steaks left, and potatoes" I went to get up, to go and serve him a plateful, when he just motioned for me to stay sitting down.

"It's alright, I'll get it. I know you're the greenhorn, but I think I can manage this!" I smiled a thanks, and watched as he piled his plate with food, he sat down and started to tackle the mountain on his plate, when he was about halfway through it, he looked up at me. "Has he apologised yet?"

For a moment I wasn't sure who he was talking about, realising this, he simply inclined his head towards the wheelhouse. "Yes"

"Good, but don't make him feel too bad about it OK?" It was more of a statement, than a question. He started to eat again.

I suddenly felt brave, deciding to have a little fun, I crossed my arms, did my best impression of looking upset and did a frustrated sigh. He looked up, slightly confused. "Thanks a bunch Johnathan! That was going to be my only chance at getting him to make me coffee!"

He started that hearty laugh of his, which was unfair, because on hearing it, I never fail to smile, he simply pointed his knife at me and said. "I like you!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: Avoiding The Past**

I sighed, partly from exhaustion and partly from frustration. I was taking the latter feelings out on the closest cod fish within reach. For two days we had been hauling and resetting pots non-stop, I had finally been accepted by everyone, apart from one crew member, who had suddenly thought it was hilarious to dub me 'woman' and proceeded to refer to me by that delightful term every chance he possibly could. To say it was annoying would be an understatement, every time he did it, I just wanted to punch him in his stupid mouth, especially when he finished his sentence with a smirk in my direction.

"Woman, come and help us sort the crab out!"

I sighed, deeper and louder this time. Gritting my teeth, I gripped the knife I was holding, allowing myself to calm down, before turning around to acknowledge him with a nod.

"Russell, stop it!"

I looked to the voice, shocked as it was very rare to hear Neal reprimand anyone. Of the three Hillstrand brothers, he seemed the more reserved as far as interacting with me, although he did share their cracking sense of humour! Neal looked over at me and smiled, I returned the gesture, as I made my way over to the sorting table. As I stood between Mike and Scott, I could hear Russell muttering and mumbling under his breath, Mike nudged me and when I looked at him, he rolled his eyes in Russell's direction. I chuckled quietly, earning an angry look from Russell, I met his look with one of contempt, I even raised an eyebrow for extra emphasis. Suddenly Johnathan's voice came over the hailer.

"Lady & Gents, making his appearance on deck is Andy!"

I smiled, these guys were nutters, my thoughts quickly returned to a couple of nights ago, when I had shared a joke with Johnathan. For the first time on this trip I had gone to sleep with a grin fixed on my face. It was nice knowing that I could share a joke with my boss, something which I'd never had before.

The guys started their usual quips and jokes at the appearance of Andy.

"So you decided to slum it today Andy?"

"Decided to grace us with your presence?"

Andy simply bowed to the sorting table in good humour and joined us with sorting the crab. Russell looked up and over at me.

"You can go back to bait now, we don't need you here"

There was true venom in the way he said 'we don't need you here' I simply nodded and walked back to the bait station, content to attack the fish, imagining Russell's stupid smirking face. As the hours ticked by, I would occasionally join the guys at the table, joining in with the jokes and little pranks being pulled to help the time pass. On the last string, Andy came over to the bait station, I looked at him and smiled, he seemed so much more relaxed with me now.

"Er, new girl, I was, I mean we were, that is me and Johnathan were wondering..." I sighed with a smile. "Just spit it out Andy!"

"We don't want to call you new girl any more"

"So, what new nickname do you have for me, so long as it's not Woman, I'm sure it'll be fine" I'd added the last part with a slight cautioning tone to my voice, Andy just narrowed his eyes slightly, my tone hadn't gone unnoticed, but he let it pass.

"Well, we thought maybe your real name would be a good start actually" I chuckled. I have been here for a week, and they were only just asking me what my name is! "Plus Johnathan needs to know your name for the pay-check!"

"My name is Charlie"

"So, I guess your mum and dad were expecting a boy?" He chuckled at me. I rolled my eyes at him.

"How cute, no it's the short version of my full name, and before you ask, no I will not tell you it, not even if you threaten to use me as bait!"

He shook his head, looking amused. "I wouldn't threaten you with that, although I might threaten you with the guys washing, and I warn you Johnathan's socks smell worse than a rotting cod fish!"

I did my best revolted look, which earned a hearty laugh from Andy. "OK, OK, I'll tell you, but don't laugh!"

Andy held up his hand, with his little finger held out, we linked little fingers. "Pinky promise!" We said it in unison.

"Charlotte" I heard him suppressing a snigger, but soon stopped when he saw my dangerous look. I used to like my name, but had refused to acknowledge it for 10 years, ever since my ex. As if he was reading my mind, Andy broke my chain of thoughts with a question, one that I had hoped, would never come.

"So what's an English Rose doing here in the US?" I closed my eyes, the Hillstrand brothers were like the kings of asking direct questions.

"I've been living here for 18 years now, so this is home for me" I hoped he would accept this and drop it, he looked at me, considering asking me something else, but I think he realised I didn't want to talk any more.

"Well Charlie, me and Johnathan, and well, the rest of the crew, we all think you're doing a fucking fantastic job!" He winked at me as he walked over to the crew, I looked over my shoulder to see him talking to Neal and Scott, then he disappeared back inside. A couple of minutes later, I heard laughter coming over the hailer.

"Hey Charlotte... er I mean Charlie, it's your turn to cook!"

I turned around with narrowed eyes, holding my little finger out, towards the wheelhouse, I could see Andy and Johnathan besides themselves with laughter, which could still be heard over the hailer. "You broke a pinky promise! I'll get you back Hillstrand!" I yelled in their direction, shaking my fist as well, for added effect. This only made them laugh even harder. I shook my head with a smile, and made my way inside. I really did love these guys.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: Get To Know You**

I was chilling out with a book in the galley, it was my favourite place to read, the hub of the boat, but peaceful when I wanted to get away from everyone. We were steaming to our most northerly string, the guys were all in good moods, even Russell, who seemed to have momentarily stopped his goading of me. I put my feet up on the opposite seats and slipped further down my seat, stretching my back out, my muscles had stopped hurting quite so much, but my back was the most unforgiving part of my body to the stress and strain. I closed my eyes while gritting my teeth to the burning sensation running down my spine, I dreamed of a steaming hot bath, with plenty of Radox in it, to ease and soothe.

I opened my eyes once the pain had eased enough to concentrate on my book again, I could hear that Scott & Mike were watching some action movie, enthusiastically cheering at the obvious bloodshed being shown on-screen I smiled, it really was like being with a bunch of kids, I shifted in my seat, and that's when I noticed a movement, it was only slight, but it had caught my attention, someone was watching me from the steps leading to the wheelhouse. I raised an eyebrow, but continued to read my book, desperately resisting the urge to look towards whoever was there, thinking, hoping they would show themselves, but they did not. They obviously liked watching in secret, which was infuriatingly distracting, when I couldn't take it any more, I spoke up.

"Did your mum not tell you it was rude to stare?" I slowly lifted my head up to look at them, he smiled and walked towards me, starting that hearty chuckle, which always hinted at mischief.

"Busted!"

I smiled, and shrugged. "I didn't mind, until it became distracting!"

He looked at me, suddenly with a look of all seriousness, my smile faltered, replaced with a frown.

"Do you want to learn how to drive a boat?" I looked at him with shock, that question had come out of nowhere.

"Drive a... boat? Like, this boat?" It had come out as a whisper, he nodded at me. "Yeah, do ya wanna?"

"Well, I mean, sure, but I, I'm not, I don't think..."

I just couldn't get my head round this, me, drive a boat. The idea was insane, I had never even imagined sitting in the big chair, in charge of a boat, in charge of other people's lives. I mean I understood, as part of the crew, we all looked after each other, but sitting in that chair was a whole different matter. He looked at me all serious again, it made me nervous when he did that, normally it was a grin or a small cheeky smile, never, ever serious.

"Well, you need some more experience, to add to all you have already learnt, and you've got the right attitude, normally crews take it in turns to do wheel-watch, we figured we could teach you how to do it, and what to do"

I swallowed nervously, my palms were getting sweaty. Proving myself as a greenhorn, was, relatively easy, it was mainly mental strength that got you through the job. Wheel-watch was unsettling to me, it threw me off balance to have this thrown on my lap, I know most people would jump at the chance to get off deck, to do something else, that broke from the monotony of being on-deck I however, had no plans of grandeur, didn't dream of being a captain one day, I just wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of civilisation and make money in the process. I honestly didn't know how to respond, he looked at me with hope written all over his face, I didn't want to let him down, after all I knew this was a generous, possibly one time offer, and took it as a massive compliment.

"OK, I'll do it" I sighed, trying to relieve the tension that had built in my chest, I knew that my answer had made him happy, as all signs of the serious look he had held previously, was gone, replaced by the bright smile he nearly always wore.

"Great! Well no time like the present, your 'training' starts at 10pm tonight" He had done quotation marks with the word training, I nodded slowly, the shock still visible on my face, I couldn't believe that I was going to be in control of this 113 feet boat, in charge of 6 other people's lives. He patted my shoulder, he must have sensed my reservations. "Don't worry, I'll sit with you the whole time, show you the ropes from the best teacher on the Bering Sea!"

"Uh, Johnathan, I think I might have to disagree with you on that one brother!" Andy had suddenly appeared in the galley, holding his coffee cup, he was grinning at his joke.

"Hey! I taught ya everything you know" Johnathan puffed out his chest, and had a look of mock offence on his face, Andy just playfully punched his arm. "Yeah, I know, we all bow down to your greatness, oh master!"

We all laughed at this, I felt more relaxed knowing that I wouldn't be alone, now I was feeling apprehensive, excited even. Johnathan turned to look at me. "See you later then Charlie, and be prepared for an interrogation!" I looked puzzled. "Me, Interrogated? About what?"

"Oh nothing, I just want to get to know you" With that he winked at me and made his way upstairs. Andy started chuckling, I turned to look at his back, curious with what he found so funny.

"Share the joke cowboy" Andy turned around with a knowing smile on his face. "Johnathan wants to get to know you" What he had said meant nothing to me, which he must have realised, because he started laughing really hard now. "Johnathan wants to get to know you" He had put more stress on the latter part of the sentence, I hoped and prayed that he wasn't saying what I thought he was.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven: Question Time**

10 pm had come round quicker than I had hoped, I was still excited about this chance of doing wheel-watch for the first time, still nervous about being in control of this massive boat. But on top of that, Andy's comment was replaying over and over in my head.

'Johnathan wants to get to know you', followed with Andy's laugh. I had hoped that I was wrong, that he didn't mean what I thought he did. Trying to clear it from my head, I slowly walked upstairs into the wheelhouse, there was Johnathan and Andy deep in conversation, I simply cleared my throat, so as not to startle them. Johnathan looked over with a smile, suddenly I felt uncomfortable, telling myself not to be so stupid, I probably misunderstood what Andy had meant. Andy stood up, wished us both a good night, and disappeared into the stateroom, I just stood there, feeling so awkward.

"Sit down, you're making me nervous!" Johnathan laughed at me, I blushed and quickly sat down on the seat behind the captains chair, he turned himself round to face me. He started by telling me the basics that I would need to know, then showed me a few of the levers, switches and buttons that I might need to use, but as he said, if that happened, it would be better to get either him, Andy or Neal. I sat there taking in all this information, it seemed slightly easier than I imagined it to be, the really complicated stuff came when you were a captain, he had explained, when I had voiced this comment. Then he suddenly stood up, I looked up at him with apprehension.

"Ya wanna sit in the chair then?" I smiled like a kid at Christmas. "Yes please!"

We swapped seats, I was staring at all the dials, the computers, it was very overwhelming, I suddenly felt foolish for thinking it would be easy a few moments before. As I was running my eyes over everything in front of me, Johnathan spoke. "So, Andy says you don't wanna talk about why you're here"

I froze, oh how I had misunderstood Andy, I was being cornered into spilling the beans on my past, I knew Andy had picked up on my dismissive nature. Damn It! I swallowed nervously, turned to look at him,then spoke. "I told him, I've been living in the US for 18 years, I don't really see England as home now. So there's not really a story as to why I'm here"

He took in everything I had said, reading my face the whole time, as though a real life lie detector test. "18 years, and you still have your accent?" I closed my eyes, sighing, it wasn't the first time I had heard this same comment. "Well I can do my best American accent for ya Hun!" I used the American accent that I had picked up from living here, I just chose not to use. I liked my English accent, I liked people thinking I was a stranger here. He smiled, obviously satisfied with my response.

"So, what made you come to the US?" I rolled my eyes at him, he smiled in response. "Am I not allowed any privacy?"

"Nope"

"Great!"

He chuckled at my sarcasm. I turned to look at the panel of dials, lever and switches again. I could feel Johnathan's gaze on the back of my head, that spot was burning. I didn't want to tell him anything about my past, but I knew I would have to tell him something. He had obviously decided to break the silence before me.

"You're not a serial killer are you?" I couldn't help but laugh at this, I turned to face him with the biggest smile on my face. "No I most certainly am not, but if you guys keep asking me these questions, I might consider a change of career!"

He laughed back at me, looked down at the floor, then looked back up with his serious look. "We don't mean to pry, it's just that none of our previous crew members have been so quiet about their past, you know if you're running away from someone, we can help you if you ask"

I looked up in shock at that last part. "Why would you think I was running away from someone?"

"Well, no offence, but you're a woman, kinda made sense to us"

"Have you and Andy been coming up with conspiracy theories?" I almost smiled at this image in my head, wondering how outrageous their suggestions had become.

"Well, no... yeah OK a few!" He said this with a cheeky grin. I smiled back. "Well, I appreciate the offer for help, but no, I'm not running away from anyone"

Something, but not someone I silently added in my head.

We spent the next 30 minutes talking about the Hillstrand brothers childhood pranks and stories, dreams and hopes for the future. When Johnathan asked the million dollar question. "So, you got a guy waiting at home for you?"

"No, not interested"

"Oh, are you, I mean, do you, uh, bat for the other team?" He looked like he didn't really want to know the answer to the question. "Johnathan! No I'm not gay, I'm just not interested in a relationship at the moment" I added more effect by shuddering when I said the word relationship. He looked visibly relieved.

"Thank fuck for that, I mean, it would be a waste" He shifted in his seat, and for a moment, it was almost like he was embarrassed, I started to think about Andy's comments, maybe I had understood properly, maybe what he had said, had held a double meaning. He looked at his watch and back at me. "Lesson's over, better go hit the sack!"

I felt disappointed, apart from dealing with the awkward questions, I had really enjoyed my time spent with Johnathan, I had discovered we were so similar in our way of thinking, some of our dreams for the future were the same, and we shared the same wicked sense of humour, which was more apparent now we had spent some quality time together. I hoped that we would do it again soon. As if reading my mind, Johnathan looked at me, as I stood up.

"Well, we will need to do this again, just so that you're really confident on your own"

"OK, you're the boss" I mock saluted at him.

"Great, then it's a date!" I smiled at his words, then he winked at me, as I walked down the stairs towards the stateroom to get some shut eye. I smiled at his last comment 'it's a date' How could a Bad Boy like Johnathan say something so sweet?


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: Feeling Isolated**

It was two days after my wheel-watch with Johnathan, and we had just finished a hard 36 hour shift on deck, Neal had cooked a monster meal for us, and contented I had dived straight into the shower to relax. I made my way towards my stateroom, fantasising about my bed, unfortunately without the crisp, clean sheets I craved, but nevertheless it seemed like bliss to me. As I opened the door to the stateroom I shared with Scott and Russell, I was greeted with a sight which sent a cold shiver down my spine. Scott and Russell were hunched over my laptop, I remembered that I'd left it on before hitting the shower. Scott looked up, he saw my face and nudged Russell, without breaking my gaze, he looked scared of my reaction. He should be, I was furious!

"What the hell are you doing?"

Russell looked at me with disgust, a look I was not expecting, he stood up and walked over to me, putting his face right into mine. "I think it's you that should be answering the questions, not us!" He stormed out of the room, I turned back to Scott, who was shifting uncomfortably under my gaze. "Do you want to tell me what he meant by that?"

"No" Scott stood up and walked past me out of the room, without even looking at me. I sat down in shock, I couldn't believe that they were reacting like that when it was my privacy they had invaded. I turned to look at my laptop, there was my favourite picture on the screen, the smiling faces, the love, the past. I knew they were probably telling Johnathan and Andy exactly what they had seen. I couldn't believe that I had been so stupid to leave my laptop unattended, I had been so careful before, I guess I had let my guard down. I curled myself on my bed, all dreams of being comfortable and relaxing were long gone, all I could think of now was the reaction of the Captains, and what I was going to tell them.

I slowly fell into a restless sleep, images swimming through my mind, the past, the present, all jumbled into one. I awoke in a sweat, glancing at my watch, 7am, wow, 5 hours sleep. I slowly climbed out of my bunk, noting that I was still alone in the room. Great they wont even sleep in the same room as me. I sighed, trying to compose myself before I left the security of my room. Before I could leave, there was a knock on the door, I froze, not sure what to do, the door opened and he poked his head round. He had a small smile on his face.

"I come in peace" He smiled again, I smiled at him slowly. "Johnathan..." He put his hands up, to silence me, I did. "Look, me and Andy have been talking, and well, if you want to tell us about what Scott and Russell told us, then you will. If not, well that's you're prerogative"

I looked puzzled at him, this was certainly not the reaction I was expecting. I went to say something, but he put his hands up again to silence me. "I have also told them both that it was out of order to invade your privacy like they did" He looked like he had finished saying what he needed to. I took it as my cue to speak now. "Thank you Johnathan, I will tell you, just not today OK?"

He seemed satisfied, he nodded at me and turned to leave, just before closing the door he spoke. "Wheel-watch training again tonight at 11pm, but first shift on deck greenhorn!" As the door closed, I breathed out, tension leaving my body. I was being let off the hook, well for a few hours, I felt sure Johnathan would grill me later, but I meant what I had said, I would tell them, just not today. I needed to make sure I had everything sorted in my head first.

A few hours later, as I worked on deck, all feelings of relief were gone, I was being ignored, by every single one of the crew, or when not being ignored I was being yelled at. As I hid at the bait station, I suddenly felt more isolated than I had ever felt in my life. I had started to feel like I was fitting in, becoming a part of this strange family, I was learning how fickle this life could be, as changing as the Bering Sea they made their living on.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine: Confrontations**

"Right, I'm gonna put some coffee on, you want some?" I was sat in the wheelhouse doing my 'training' with Johnathan, I nodded in reply to his question. "Very strong please" I added as he headed down the stairs to the galley. "No problem!" His reply came floating back up the stairs to me. I wished I was in my bunk right now, I was so exhausted, physically and emotionally. But I knew that you get no sympathy on a crab boat, so I was fighting my emotions, just counting the days until I could get back to dry land.

The crew were ignoring me, except for the odd snide comment from Russell, I still couldn't understand what he was thinking, but true to their words neither one of the captains had asked me any questions. I knew it was bothering Johnathan though, this evening had been a stark contrast to our previous wheel-watch training session. It was frustrating, but I didn't know how to tell him everything. I was brought from my thoughts when I heard him climbing the stairs, carrying two steaming cups of coffee.

"One extra strong coffee ma'am!" I smiled as I took it from him, at least he was still cracking the odd few jokes. We both sat in silence as we sipped our coffees.

"Well, I think this will be the last time someone will need to sit with you on wheel-watch" I turned to face him, a bit surprised. "You really think so?"

"Yup, you're a quick learner, I don't see why not"

"Thank you" Now was his turn to look at me with surprise. "What for?"

"For being the only fucking person on this boat to still be speaking to me, and for not pressuring me to tell you anything"

He looked down at the floor for a few minutes, I shifted uncomfortably in the seat. Then he looked up at me, the serious look in his eyes. "Charlie, we all have skeletons in our closet, we're all human and we all make mistakes. Whatever is going on in your life right now, is your business, but if it interferes with working out here, then it becomes our business too, you understand?"

I took in his words, slightly confused with what he had said, what did he mean, whatever is going on in your life right now? He must have seen I looked confused, as he put his coffee down and reached out to hold my free hand. "Charlie, it's OK to be a single mum, this is the 21st century, but why did you not mention it before?"

I don't know what possessed me, but I snatched my hand away and stood up, spilling my coffee on the floor with my actions. I was fuming, how dare they make assumptions about my life, they didn't know me, and I didn't need anyone's sympathy! Johnathan looked, well he looked shocked and kind of worried, I just shook my head, fighting back the tears. "You have got it all wrong Johnathan!"

He went to say something to me, reaching out for my arm, but I walked away and down the stairs. I knew I would probably be in trouble, but I couldn't stay there, I was not ready for this, and I didn't want pity from anyone, especially when they were only repeating what Russell and Scott had told them. I sat down in the galley, trying to calm my breathing and fight the lump that was creeping up the back of my throat, I was not going to cry, I was NOT going to cry. I closed my eyes to try and stop the tears from flowing quickly, I had never felt this angry and upset all at the same time, not since that day all those years ago, when my whole life fell apart. Once I was sure the tears were defeated, I opened my eyes to see Johnathan sat the other side of the table looking at me with compassion. Why did he have to look at me like that, why couldn't he be angry with me, that I could deal with, that I could cope with.

"Who's in the wheelhouse, if you're sat here?" I was trying to change the subject. "Andy, it's my break" He replied so calmly, I had never heard his voice sound so soft before, it just added to my frustration, I didn't need to start feeling all vulnerable, just because he was being nice to me. Remember what happened the last time you fell for someone who was nice to you, I mentally reminded myself.

"Oh right, well I'll go get some sleep, and leave you to enjoy your break in peace then" I made to get up from the table, but this time Johnathan managed to grab my arm, not roughly, but enough to make me stop. "I want to spend my break talking with you actually" I hated the way he made things sound like a request, but you knew it was an order, but it was also the main thing I liked about him. You didn't argue with Johnathan Hillstrand. I sat back down and just stared at him, I didn't know what he wanted me to say to him, well I did, but I wasn't ready to tell him.

"I thought you were going to let me tell you in my own time"

"HEY!"

I snapped my head up at him, he looked pissed off. "Stop pouting, I'm not forcing you to tell me, but this is obviously affecting your job, so I think we need to talk about it, OK?" I swallowed, closed my eyes and slowly opened them. His face had softened. "I'm sorry to go captain on your ass, but we can't have over emotional women on this boat, please don't prove Andy right"

"Sorry Johnathan, I just never imagined that this would become an issue while I was working out here" He sighed, trying to suppress his frustration. "That WHAT would become an issue?"

"My daughter" I looked down at the table, I had said the words, they hadn't hurt as much as I had thought they would.

"Where is she Charlie?" I shook my head. "I can't... I'm sorry, I can't..."

Suddenly Russell came into the galley. "I fucking knew it, off trying to be a party girl, living the high life and leaving your daughter at home, with god knows who I bet. You should be at home taking care of her, not out here! I told you a crab boat is no place for a woman Johnathan! Fucking irresponsible BITCH!

Before I could defend myself, Johnathan shot out of his seat, and pushed Russell up against the wall. "Shut your mouth Newberry, before I shut it for you!" Johnathan was growling dangerously, and he looked as dangerous as he sounded. Russell didn't look as scared as he should though, he just sneered. "You fucking her now then Johnathan?" Johnathan looked down, then landed a punch on the wall, Russell stopped sneering and looked worried. By this time Andy had made his way downstairs.

"What the fuck is going on?" Johnathan let Russell go. "Nothing, it's all sorted now, isn't it Russell?" Russell composed himself, before nodding quickly. "Uh yeah, all sorted"

He shot a look at me, before making his way back to his bunk. Johnathan stormed upstairs, leaving Andy looking at me with confusion. I just sat there in shock at what I had just witnessed. No-one had ever defended me in that way, I had always had to fight my own battles, and right then I knew I had fallen for him, and I knew he had fallen for me too.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten: The Greenhorn Can Fight**

We were 18 hours into what was turning out to be a killer shift. The weather had turned foul on us, we were being battered with waves and rain from all directions. We were all barely able to stay on our feet out here. Johnathan had been keeping us safe for the past 2 hours with his growls over the hailer, it was comforting to know he was up there, watching over us. To make things worse the crab numbers were bad, so we were battling to tie up the pots to move elsewhere. There was only one positive with the weather being so rough, I had been able to work in relative peace, everyone was so busy keeping upright and getting the job done, I didn't feel like the black sheep on deck.

Two hours later and the weather had calmed down again, the waves were no longer tossing the boat around like a rag doll, and we were nearing the end of the string. I moved over to the sorting table to help out, standing between Mike and Scott, suddenly the atmosphere turned colder. I knew it was because of me, but I decided to ignore it, intently concentrating on the crabs I was sorting. Scott was trying to keep the conversation light, but it just sounded awkward, so he and Mike decided to talk about their favourite action films. I smiled along with their conversation and jokes about how they would cope with certain situations personally. I glanced up only to meet the most uncomfortable stare from Russell, I decided to match his look, I wasn't afraid of this small minded idiot. He thought he knew me and my life so well, but he was clueless, and I wasn't going to let him think he had me intimidated.

Suddenly over the hailer came Johnathan's voice. "Hey Charlie, could you come up here a minute?"

I put my thumbs up to the window, and slowly finished off what I was doing. As I walked around the table to make my way inside, Russell took his chance to take a dig at me. "Off to give the captain a blow job Charlie?"

"Hey! That was uncool, that's my old man remember?" Scott looked pissed off, but Russell didn't seem to care. "Or maybe he's seen sense and is going to fire you for being an unfit mother!" I stared him down, a red mist was starting to descend, he was pushing all the right buttons.

"Say it again Russell, I dare you, say it again!" He looked at me, almost like he was considering it, unfortunately he decided to do it. "You. Are. An. UNFIT MOTHER!"

Without a thought for anyone or anything I launched myself at him, landing a fairly good punch on his jaw, although I think I hurt myself more than him. He stumbled backwards, the shock of my actions obvious all over his face, he rubbed his jaw where my fist had made contact, good I had hurt him. But then it was his turn to shock, as he charged me, putting a hand around my throat, before he could do anything else, I did the only thing I could think of, I kneed him in the balls.

"HEY! BREAK IT THE FUCK UP YOU GUYS!" Andy had come out on deck, and he was angry. "Charlie get your ass inside, NOW!" I looked at Russell, my hand covering my throat where he had held onto me with a vice like grip. "I warned you, you're such an asshole, do you know that?" I was shaking, more from the sudden draining of adrenaline from my body than fear. I never meant to do that, but he had pushed me too far. As I stepped inside, Andy was right behind me, still fuming.

"What the fuck was that all about?"

"Andy, I'm sorry, it was my fault it became physical..." I hung my head in shame.

"Well, if that's true then I'm afraid it's a deck ban, I'm sorry, no deck duties for 48 hours, and your pay will be affected. We just can't have brawling out here, it's too dangerous, you understand?" I nodded, I couldn't believe I had let him provoke me like that. "Anyway Johnathan still wants to see you upstairs"

"OK, I'll get changed into dry clothes and I'll be straight up"

Andy nodded and left me to it. As I was pulling off my soaked clothes I was mentally kicking myself for allowing things to get so out of control. Why the hell did I come out here? What was I trying to prove to myself? Everything had gone from bad to worse, and now my money was going to be docked as well, for that asshole Newberry. Once I was dressed I headed for the wheelhouse, as I walked up the stairs, there was Andy chatting with Johnathan, I made a little cough to announce my presence, and with that Andy got up and left us alone. I walked awkwardly over to the seat behind the captain's chair, and sat down. Johnathan sat for a while, just looking out of the window, before slowly turning the chair round to face me, he was, to my surprise, smiling.

"That was a good punch you threw down there, I guess the greenhorn can fight huh?" I smiled back shyly. "Yeah, but I think I did myself more damage than him!" He looked at my hand, shook his head and shot out of the chair and down the stairs into the galley. "Uh... Johnathan, what you doing?" I was sitting bewildered in the wheelhouse, listening to him scrabbling around in the galley, until I heard him ascending the stairs again.

"Getting you some ice for the hand" He held in his hands some ice wrapped in a towel, which he not so delicately put on my hand. "Ouch!" He snorted at me. "This is what happens when you punch a guy, deal with the consequences missy!"

He sat back down in his chair and just stared at me with a smile on his face. "Kinda wished it was me that did it though" I chuckled lightly, before taking a deep breath and making a decision. "Johnathan, this is getting out of control, so I've decided I'm going to tell you everything, but it needs to be right now, or I might back out, but I need for you not to talk, no questions, nothing, not until I'm finished, OK?"

He looked surprised and curious by my little speech. "Are you sure?"

"No, but I need to do it, so now is as good a time as any I guess"

"OK"

"Well my story starts 19 years ago, in England..."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven: Charlie's Story**

I was 18 years old and travelling around the UK with a group of my friends, we were taking a year out before heading off to different universities. We were in a small town in Cornwall and we decided to head into what seemed like a quiet bar, to check out the live band that was playing there that night. They were a small time American band called Dead Men Tell No Tales, a rock band, and they were pretty good. As soon as the band came out to perform, I was enthralled with the lead singer, he was the most fascinating guy I had ever seen, and pretty soon I had caught his attention too. When the band finished playing, he made his way over to our table, his name was Alexander, and before long we were chatting like we had known each other for years. Six months later, my plans to go to university were cancelled, and he asked me to move to the US to be with him as his wife. I said yes, and soon we were married.

Everything seemed perfect, and before long I fell pregnant, everyone said we made the perfect couple, and at that time we really did. When our daughter Elizabeth was born it felt like the final piece of the puzzle had been put into place, and we settled into our lives as parents so easily. Being a mother was the best thing that had ever happened to me, I couldn't have been happier, until suddenly my perfect life started to go horribly wrong.

Alexander was always a rock star at heart, and had always lived his life the rock star way, but when we had gotten married, the groupies and the drugs had stopped. But now, I had seen he was hooked again, and when he came home high with a strung out groupie clinging to him, that was the final straw. I made the hardest decision of my life to walk away, and I took Elizabeth with me. Looking back on it now, I know I should have gone back to England, but I didn't, I guess a small part of me was hoping he would see the error of his ways and try to win me back. That we could gloss over this episode and carry on being the happy family we once were. Alexander did try to get us back, but not the way I imagined, he became violently obsessed, stalking me, harassing phone calls, then I knew he would never let me go, never let Elizabeth go.

I made some phone calls to some friends of ours who lived in Arizona, I explained what had happened, and before I knew it me and Elizabeth were on a flight there. Problem was, they were Alexander's friends too, and when he called asking if they had heard from me, they told him where I was. A fact I was not told about until later. Two weeks later, I had taken Elizabeth out to the local park near to where we were staying, I left her momentarily to buy some ice cream, when I heard Elizabeth shout 'Daddy' and as I turned around there was Alexander hugging our daughter, he looked at me with pure hate in his eyes, and he turned holding our daughter and made towards his car. I started to run after him, screaming for him to let our daughter go, for us to talk about things, but he ignored me, and before I knew it, he had bundled Elizabeth into his car, climbed in and pulled out of the car park. I could see Elizabeth was scared, and I was too. I jumped into my car and started after him, tears pouring down my face, wondering if this was all real. Wondering how it could have all come down to this, where did we go so wrong.

As I followed him, we came to a railway crossing, the lights were flashing, as we both slowed down, I saw this as my opportunity to jump out and try and reason with him. As I got out of the car and made my way towards his car, he suddenly pulled off and I watched in horror as a train hit his Jeep full on, the Jeep did a 180 degree flip, finally coming to a stop, after spinning on its roof. Those moments play over and over in my head, it was like I watched it in slow motion, those were the last moments of Elizabeth's life. I will never forgive him for taking away the only good thing I ever did in my life, I would no longer see her smile, no longer hear her words 'I love you mummy'. She was only 5 years old and he had extinguished her future, and mine, because in that moment of crashing steel, a piece of me had died with her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve: Immense Relief**

Johnathan just sat there staring at me, it was unnerving, I didn't know what he was thinking, just when I couldn't take the silence any more he spoke. "Now I understand"

"Understand?" I was a little confused. He looked out of the window, then turned back to me. "Why you didn't want to tell us, I'm sorry that you felt like you had to, that it couldn't have been on your terms completely"

His voice was soft, and his eyes were filled with deep compassion, for a moment I felt the best I had ever felt in days. It was tough telling him everything, but I felt better for it, lighter even. "I could only tell you Johnathan, I understand you need to tell the crew, especially Russell, but I can't be there when you do, I just can't deal with the sympathy, I don't need it, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that, and listen, we're here for you, any time you need to talk, you let us know OK?"

Suddenly Neal came into the wheelhouse. "Dinner's served, Andy's coming up for wheel-watch. Just thought I'd let you know" He turned to leave the wheelhouse, when he stopped and looked at me, smiling. "Oh by the way, just wanted to say nice punch earlier, wish it had been me though!"

As he walked down the stairs I couldn't help but laugh, the Hillstrands were so alike it was uncanny! As I got up from my seat, Johnathan got out of his chair, taking me by surprise he enveloped me in a hug. "I meant what I said Charlie, we're here for you, think of us as your family now OK?"

I was suddenly hit with a strong wave of emotion, unable to speak, I just nodded into his shoulder, blinking back the tears that threatened. I felt so safe in his arms, that I didn't want him to let me go, slowly I moved my arms to hug him back. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent, I could feel him doing the same with my hair, I could get used to this. Suddenly there was a small cough from behind me. I pulled away, suddenly aware of where we were, and the fact that I was in a slightly compromising situation with a captain. It was Andy, who was enjoying my embarrassment, to make it worse he was wearing a classic 'busted' grin on his face.

"Break time bro'" Johnathan looked at him with an annoyed glare, I just shuffled past Andy as fast as my little legs could carry me, when I was half way down the stairs, I stopped when I heard Johnathan's voice.

"Thanks for that bro' great timing!"

"Hey, I didn't realise you were putting the moves on her right now!"

"Don't say that!"

"Say what?"

"That whole 'putting the moves on her', that's not what it's about"

"Well John, I thought you'd bang her and move on, I mean that's what you do right?"

"Just drop it Andy OK?"

"Oh. My. God, you've fallen for her, haven't you? Hey, is she gonna be my sister-in-law?"

"You're a fucker, you know that?"

I continued down the stairs with Andy's laughter ringing in my ears, was it true, had the great Johnathan Hillstrand really fallen for her? But he was a party boy, a Bad Boy of the Bering Sea, he didn't 'fall' for girls, they fell for him, in and out of his bed, if the stories were to be believed. I knew he liked me, but I didn't think it was anything more than a simple physical attraction, all he was doing was comforting me and letting me know he was there for me, wasn't he? As I settled myself at the table, I started to muse about how the guys were going to react to what Johnathan was going to tell them about my daughter, I didn't want their pity, I just wanted a respectful understanding that my business was my own, and not to be speculated about.

As Johnathan came into the galley, he caught my eye and winked at me, giving me a reassuring grin as he took a seat with the rest of us. Scott and Mike immediately started up a raucous conversation about motorbikes, which Johnathan enthusiastically joined in on. I smiled with contentment, that was until I caught Russell coming into the galley out the corner of my eye. I looked down at the table, embarrassed about my previous interaction with him, suddenly the table went silent, and you could cut the tension with a knife, not even the sight of the steaming dishes Neal brought to the table lifted it.

"I want an apology from you" Everyone looked at Russell, I simply looked disgusted, all feelings of remorse for punching him went out the window, after what he had said to me, and HE wants an apology.

"Well you can keep wanting" My reply was curt, I had no time for him and his stupid games. Having not really spoken to him properly in days it surprised me when Scott spoke in my defence.

"Dude, what you said was totally uncool, you deserved it, and had it been a guy, you'd probably be worse off than you are. Also what you said about my dad, was also not cool, so if there's any apologies to be made, you need to make them"

I looked around to see Mike and Neal silently nodding their agreement to what Scott had just said. Russell looked visibly sickened by the very thought of having to apologise to anyone, shook his head and stood up. "So that's how you all feel? That I have to apologise to a WOMAN on a crab boat? She shouldn't even be here, and then there's the small fact of her daugh..."

"Russell, sit down and shut up, NOW!" Before he could continue his speech, Johnathan had interrupted him. He turned and looked at me, I nodded. "When we have eaten, I need to tell you a few things, things about Charlie's past..."

Russell snorted. "This should be interesting!"

Johnathan ignored him and continued. "First let's eat, then give Charlie space while I talk to you all, OK?"

The crew all nodded, the looks of curiosity were written all over their faces. Once we had finished eating, I got up and headed for my bed, I was exhausted, but I felt good. I knew that telling Johnathan was the best thing I had done in long time. As I drifted off to sleep, my thoughts turned to Elizabeth, I smiled as I thought of singing her favourite song.

'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey, you'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away'

For the first time in 12 years, I had a feeling that everything was going to be OK.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen: New Family**

I awoke with a start to a sharp knock on the door. "Rise and shine sleepy heads, get your butts on deck asap!"

I groaned in reply, Andy was in a cheery mood this morning, I looked at my watch through bleary eyes, great 6:30am, and I was on deck ban. As I stretched to wake myself up better, I turned in my bunk, and there was Scott staring at me, he looked distracted.

"Hey Scotty, penny for them?"

"Penny for them?"

"Yeah, penny for your thoughts" I smiled, I was always confusing these guys with English sayings, it was my form of entertainment.

"I'm just thinking about what my dad told us last night, well I'm sorry Charlie, I'm sorry for what happened to your daughter, I'm sorry for thinking you had abandoned your daughter to come out here, I'm sorry for being a jerk" As he said this, I thought I saw some tears in his eyes, he bowed his head, as if to hide it. I swung myself out of my bunk and knelt down in front of him, putting my hand on his knee.

"Scotty, please don't be upset, maybe I didn't deal with this the right way, maybe I should have said something sooner, I don't know..." I shook my head, unsure of how to comfort him. "But please, don't be upset about it, you guys know the truth now, and that's all that matters, it's water under the bridge, a fresh start, OK?"

I hoped that he would agree with me, I certainly didn't want him beating himself up over it. He looked into my eyes and he smiled. "I can't believe how strong you are Charlie, how do you do it?" I shrugged and stood up. "Maybe it's because I'm English, we're made of stronger stuff than you guys give us credit for you know!"

He chuckled in response and stood up. "I'm gonna go grab something to eat before slave-driver number 2 makes us go on-deck, do you want me to grab you anything?"

"You do realise I'm on deck ban right?"

He looked shocked. "No, why?"

"Because she hit me, remember?" The sarcastic reply from Russell came from the upper bunk. Scott looked over at him with a frown. "Yeah and you grabbed her round the throat!"

"Well Miss Can't-Do-No-Wrong over there took the rap, therefore getting a deck ban" Russell sat up in his bunk, with a smug grin on his face, Scott just shook his head, obviously irritated, before leaving the stateroom. "That was a very touching scene between you and Scott, are you trying to sleep with all the Hillstrands?"

I swung my head towards Russell, my eyes flashing. "Why do you have to be such an asshole? Why can't you for once admit you were wrong about me?" He jumped down from his bunk, facing up to me, I didn't back down though, I was going to find out what his problem with me was, once and for all. "I don't like you, that's it" I closed my eyes and clenched my fist, I had to keep calm. "Really Russell? Why do you hate me? All I've ever done is work hard, what is it about me you don't like?"

He looked over my head then straight back at me. "Oh don't take it so personally sweetheart, I just don't think women should work on a crab boat" I laughed in his face, earning a harder stare from him. "Personally Russell, I think you just don't like women, especially women who can give as good as they get, you feel threatened by a strong women who can do the same job as you, women like me!"

Before I could stop him, he pinned me up against the door to the stateroom, his hand around my throat, exactly like yesterday, only now I was alone, and no one could stop him. Suddenly I felt scared, suddenly I felt like the weak woman he wanted me to be. "I don't feel threatened by you at all, you got that?" All I could do was nod, my eyes pleading for him to let me go, that he'd won. I think he suddenly realised what he had done, that he had really frightened me, he loosened his grip, and stood back, not completely letting me go. Then he took me completely by surprise.

"I was surprised you had a child" He said it so quietly, that I almost didn't hear him. I frowned. "What?" I tried not to sound angry, for the first time he looked dejected, almost human. "You're mother never told me you had a child" Now I was super confused. "My mum... what the hell... WHAT?"

Russell stood away from me, letting his hands drop down to his sides, he sat down on my bunk. He put his head in his hands. "I wasn't sure it was you, not until I saw the pictures on your laptop, and then I knew, and I got angry, angry because she never told me, that I'd missed so much of your life. Angry because you were out here, doing this job, this dangerous job, I'm sorry Charlotte, I really am..."

He looked up at me, tears streaming down his face. "I'm your brother"

I half expected him to start laughing and say 'only joking' but how could I not believe him, I mean Russell Newberry was fucking crying in front of me. I didn't know what to do, or what to say, I just stood with my arms wrapped around myself, was it true?


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen: The Truth Will Out**

Russell looked down at the floor, wiping the tears from his eyes. "I'm pretty sure you don't believe me, but I can prove it Charlie" He looked up at me, for once he looked vulnerable, almost pleading with me to believe him. I sighed and sat down on Scott's bunk, looking at him with a serious look on my face.

"Tell me about it then" I was nervous about what he had to say, my mum had always told me that my dad had died when she was 6 months pregnant, she had always stuck by that story, and I had no intention of thinking her a liar compared to a man who had for the past few days been making my life a living hell. But I was willing to give him a chance to explain himself, I mean this was a pretty radical suggestion he was making, I mean he was a lot older than me, and American.

As far as I knew my mum had never set foot in America, my head was seriously beginning to ache. Russell stood up and made his way over to his bag, rummaging around for a minute he eventually found what he was looking for, pulling out a small photo album. He returned to sitting on my bunk, he flicked through, then handed it to me.

"That is your mum, right?" I looked at the picture, and sure enough it was my mum, I recognised her straight away from the pictures at home from her youth, but she was with a man I didn't recognise. "Yes... who is that man with her?"

"That is my, our father" 'Our father', he was a lot older than my mum, and they did have the look of a couple posing for a picture, but it could just be a friend I thought to myself, this was not enough proof. "How do you know he is my father too?"

Russell swallowed nervously before replying. "He told me, you see I knew your mum, I took that picture, she was my dad's girlfriend. After he and my mum got a divorce, he met your mum while she was travelling in the US..."

"Wait, wait..." I put my hand up, sighed and ran it through my hair. "My mum has never been to America Russell" He smiled. "Yes, she has, look at the next picture Charlie... please"

I looked down at the photo album in my lap, and there smiling back at me was a happy family portrait, my mum, 'my father' and a young, but very obvious Russell. I closed my eyes, my mum had lied to me, all these years. Why? Russell must have seen that I was beginning to believe him, as he knelt down in front of me, turning the pages of the album, wanting to share more of his family pictures with me.

"This was taken just before she went back to England, we had a camping trip in Nevada, that was great, your mum was so kind..." His voice trailed off when he realised I was crying, my tears falling on his pictures, I was so hurt, my mum had lied to me for so long and Russell had spent his life with our father, a father I never knew, nor ever would. He put his hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry Charlie, I didn't mean to upset you. My dad was devastated when your mum went back to England, she never told him that she was pregnant until she went. He loved your mum, and never stopped thinking about her, even when he was dying" I looked at him, realising that he was my brother, my brother, repeating it just made it sound strange.

This morning I had been an only child, whose father had died before she was born, now I had a brother, I was a sister, whose father had loved my mum so dearly and had never stopped even in his last days. Why had my mum left him, why had she allowed herself to be in countless, loveless, abusive relationships? Especially when, as far as I could see, there was no reason to leave him?

"I talked to your mum for many years after my dad died, and just when I started to learn more about you, suddenly she stopped answering my calls, my letters, it all just stopped" I realised in that moment he didn't know. "Russell, my mum died 10 years ago" He sat with a frozen look of pain on his face. "I didn't know, I'm so sorry, I figured she didn't want to talk to me any more, I had no idea... how did it happen?"

"Cancer" He dropped his head, visibly moved by my news. Finally he looked at me, his eyes welling with fresh tears. "I loved your mum, she was so kind to me, I wasn't an easy kid after my parents got divorced, but she sorted me out, put me on the right path, I'll never forget her"

"Me neither" Then we hugged, sharing in our grief for lost parents, I suddenly realised that I was no longer alone in the world. I had a brother! Suddenly the door opened and in walked Johnathan, whose reaction to the sight before him was less than pleased.

"I don't want to know what the fuck is going on, just get your ass on-deck Russell, the guys are waiting for you, and we're a crew member short, remember?" With that said, he turned so quick and was out the door, before I had a chance to say anything.

"Johnathan wait..." I ran out into the hallway after him, he turned around to look at me, deliberately keeping his distance.

"The name is Captain, and unless you have anything to say about the boat, or a job on this boat, then we have nothing to talk about Greenhorn" I stood there shocked as he turned and stomped off towards the galley, his words had hit me like a slap around the face. I knew he was jealous because I was hugging Russell, but he had no reason to be. Didn't he know how I felt about him? I sighed and silently asked how was I going to fix this?


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen: The Green Eyed Monster**

I had been sat in the galley for the past 12 hours, I couldn't settle, my mind was whirling with everything that had happened to me in the past 36 hours, but the thing that was bothering me was the man who was currently sat in the wheelhouse, I knew that he was angry with me. All I wanted was to go up there and tell him that I was in fact hugging my brother, but I knew that I was risking serious trouble if I even ventured upstairs. I started busying myself to prepare a good hot meal for the guys, knowing that they were working in freezing conditions today. At least I was able to do something to occupy myself, I was so involved with struggling to open a tin of beans, and cursing under my breath that I didn't hear anyone coming into the galley, until he was stood beside me.

"Do ya wanna hand with that?" I think he was trying to make some peace between us. It unfortunately got my back up, how could he speak to me like he had, and then act as though he had said nothing. "I'm sure the Captain has more important things to do than open a tin of beans" Why did I say that? As soon as my cold reply came out of my mouth, I regretted it. But I think he was expecting it, the look on his face was not one of surprise. He simply shrugged.

"Suit yourself" With that he stalked off back upstairs, I was still struggling with the tin, and suddenly the anger at myself for messing up a chance at peace, I slammed it on the counter, and started bashing the tin with the tin opener. Finally I'd found some release with all the anger I had been keeping bottled up inside me. The frustration of losing my daughter, the frustration of my mum's lies, that I had a brother I never knew about, the frustration that I felt like a stupid schoolgirl whenever I was around Johnathan, and I couldn't simply tell him how I felt.

It shocked me to realise how I did feel about him, I had had no intentions of 'falling' for anyone out here, I simply wanted to get away from the outside world and earn some bloody good money. The feelings had crept up on me, and I was losing control of them, something that had not happened for a very long time. God it had been a long time since I had even looked at a man in that way, and there was something in Johnathan that screamed everything that I was now yearning for in my life now. But now I was having to deal with a jealous, sulky child!

"OK what did the tin do, and is that punishment really necessary?" I turned with a start, there was Andy leaning up against the counter behind me with an extremely amused look on his face. I smiled sheepishly. "It wouldn't open?" I knew it sounded a weak argument for dishing out such a harsh beating on the tin, but it was all I could think of. Andy just raised an eyebrow, and walked over to where I stood, lifting the badly dented and scratched tin.

"Yeah, and now I don't think it ever will!" I chuckled, as he tossed it into the bin. I went into the cupboard and got another tin of beans out, and set about a more gentle approach, apparently this tin was more compliant than it's predecessor. Andy leant staring at me intently, I just looked at him out the corner of my eye. "What, you standing guard over the beans now Andy? I promise to not unnecessarily attack them unless provoked!" I tried to sound as casual as possible, he smiled in response.

"Have you spoken to him today?" I looked at him full on this time. "Umm... yes, and no" He nodded. "And?"

I screwed up my face, like I had just bitten on a lemon. "It didn't go so well... in fact it was pretty bad"

"Ah, so the real reason for the unprovoked bean attack then?" I chuckled. "Yeah, I guess, well that and other things, just think it's all got to me" Andy stood up and put his hand on my shoulder. "He likes you Charlie, and he's not sure how to act, because, in all honesty, this hasn't happened to him for a while. He's not sure if you like him, and doesn't know how to react to what... umm, well you & Russell?"

I snorted. "Me & Russell?" Andy looked amused. "Well, I have to admit, I was a bit dubious, but come on Charlie, imagine what it looks like, you're on deck ban because you were literally at each others throats, and then you're hugging?" I nodded, I could understand what he meant. "Andy, it's probably going to sound far-fetched, but I just found out that Russell is my brother"

Andy looked like he was trying to shake the shock off of his face. "Seriously? So that's why he has been acting more of an ass than usual with you"

"How do you get that? I mean, surely being my brother should the nicest to me?" Andy just shook his head again. "I know I'd be pretty fucking pissed off if I found out one of my daughters was fishing out here, I guess it would be the same for a sister"

I considered his words, and suddenly understood that it must have been hard for Russell to find out his little sister was working on a crab boat.

"So how does it feel not being on only child now?"

"Weird, still trying to get my head round it to be honest"

"Well I get that. Look, talk to Johnathan, he is not that bad, his bark is worse than his bite hun! He just has a serious case of the green eyed monster" He looked in the direction of the stairs, then back at me. "I've not seen him like this over someone for a long time, just, give him a chance to make things right please?"

"I will" I smiled and watched as he headed out of the galley, and turned my attention back to the food. I hoped that he was right about Johnathan, because I didn't want to become another conquest, I wanted to mean more to him than that. Why was I fated to fall for this Bad Boy?


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen: Making Peace**

As I awoke the next day, I felt more tired than before I went to bed. I had not been able to sleep, my mind preoccupied with thoughts of Johnathan's look of pain, and my immature response to his peace making. I lazily looked at my watch, 5am, fan-fucking-tastic! I climbed out of my bunk, noting that Scott was not in the room, he was probably watching some movie with Mike again in the galley, maybe I would go and join them, I was certainly not going to get any more sleep. As I let myself out of the stateroom as quietly as possible, I noticed the distinct lack of noise, everywhere was so damn quiet, which was weird, someone was nearly always awake on this boat. I wandered into the galley, to see Scott crashed out on one of the seats, he was smiling in his sleep, Mike was stood in the kitchen.

"Hey Mike" I said it as a croaky whisper, he turned around and waved in reply. I walked over to him, he was making coffee, it smelt good.

"Why is Scott asleep in here?" Mike shrugged, but I could see the look on his face told a different story. I was getting bored of this, everyone seemed to hate to tell me anything, but kept professing I was a member of their 'family'

"Mike..." He looked at me, then behind us, almost to check no one was listening in on us. He leant down to whisper in my ear, what the hell was the secret? "Scott has been talking with his dad, he said something about the stateroom was a no go zone"

I sighed with frustration, OK this jealous stuff was getting old now. I was going to hash this out with him, whether he liked it or not. I turned and walked towards the wheelhouse, then turned to face Mike who looked like he was regretting telling me anything. "Is it John upstairs, or Andy?"

Mike swallowed nervously. "I think it's Andy, but I'm not sure"

"Thanks Mike" I stood at the bottom of the stairs and took a deep breath to steady my nerves, before slowly making my way up to the wheelhouse. As I reached the top of the stairs, sure enough it was Andy sitting in the Captain's seat, Neal was sat with him, they turned to look at me. Andy smiled. "Hey hun, what's the matter? Can't sleep?" I returned the smile and shook my head. "Andy, I need to speak with John. Where is he?"

I knew that he was probably in his stateroom, but I needed confirmation, filled with a confidence I hadn't had since that day in the bar, when I was hired. Andy looked a bit worried, before replying. I think he could see I was a woman on a mission. "He's sleeping hun, can it wait?"

It almost sounded like a plea, like he didn't want any confrontations right now, but I was determined to get it sorted out now. I just shook my head in reply, then headed to the Captain's stateroom, standing outside it, my confidence faltered. "Hey, Charlie! You can't just..."

I ignored Andy. Took another deep breath, put my hand on the handle and pushed the door open and walked inside, closing it behind me. He was sitting on the side of his bed, he must have heard what had happened, as he didn't look surprised by my presence. I started to feel embarrassed, I was in his domain, with no right or invite to be there. He looked at me, and I remembered why I was there.

"We need to talk John" He snorted in reply. "You think so? What about?"

"About what you saw yesterday between Russell & I, and your ridiculous behaviour for the last 24 hours" He stood up and took 2 paces towards me, it didn't leave much space between us, suddenly my heart quickened. "You come charging into MY stateroom at 5 fucking am, and you have the nerve to say I've been acting ridiculously?" OK he had a point there, but I knew it was the only way to sort it out.

"Look me & Russell..." Before I could say anything, Johnathan grabbed my arm and went to open the door. "I don't want to fucking know what you & Russell were doing, are doing, whatever, just get the fuck out of my sight!" I pulled my arm away from him, with aggression, he looked taken aback. "I will not get the fuck out of your sight, until you fucking listen to me!"

I knew that I had to be as strong headed as him to get through to him. God he was so infuriatingly stubborn! He simply crossed his arms and stared back at me, his eyes were so cold, I literally had to stop myself from shivering. "I'm listening"

I sighed. "Good, Russell is my brother Johnathan" I saw his face twitch, almost like he wasn't sure whether to believe me or not. But he continued to say nothing, just simply staring with those cold eyes. I raised my hands up in exasperation.

"For fuck sakes Johnathan, it's the truth! I mean no offence to the guy, but seriously, me and him? It's ridiculous to even think it!" Finally he smiled, which slowly turned into a chuckle. I smiled, I'd gotten through to him at last.

"Johnathan, of all the men on this boat, it's you I like, no one else" His head snapped up to look at me, his eyes filled with warmth once again. "Do you mean that Charlie?"

"Yes, I really do" The second the words left my mouth, Johnathan had closed the space between us, putting his hands on my back, he pulled me closer to him. He looked down at me with those brown eyes, a smile fixed on his face. "I like you to Charlie"

I smiled up at him, and then he gently kissed me. I closed my eyes, he tasted intoxicating and I wanted more. I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into a deeper kiss. His hands skirted over my back, it left goosebumps all over me, I couldn't believe that he was making me feel like this, just with a kiss. It seemed to last forever, and as we stopped I had to literally catch my breath. He chuckled. "You like?"

I blushed and buried my head into his chest. "Yes" He put his hand under my chin and turned me to look at him, he planted a gentle peck on my lips. "When we get back to port, we're going to finish what we started baby, that's a promise" I smiled and feeling brave, I raised an eyebrow. "We better!" He chuckled in reply.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Err, is everything OK in there?"

Johnathan rolled his eyes. "Yeah it's fine!" He growled at his brother.

"Charlie is still alive?" I started to laugh, Andy was a complete nutter. "Yes!"

"Good, just checking" Johnathan opened the door to find Andy, Mike and Neal standing outside the door, it looked like they had been listening at the door for a while, all of them looked like they had been caught up to no good. Andy started smiling. "Well if you didn't kill her, what were you doing? 'Cos I never heard any talking for ages" He looked straight at me and wiggled his eyebrows at me, they knew what had happened, I felt my cheeks flush slightly. Neal just hit Andy on his arm.

"You're gonna have to get used to this jerk, especially if you and John are... you know?"

Johnathan put his arm around me. I looked up at him, he was grinning like a cat who had got the cream, and I felt the exact same way. I realised this was the normal Hillstrand welcome, and I who was I to argue with it?


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen: Heading For Dry Land**

I was standing in the kitchen preparing a late breakfast for the guys, today was my last day on deck ban, I had told Johnathan how I felt, and he had told me the same, no one was getting this smile off of my face. At least that was until I overheard Andy and Russell chatting as they came into the galley.

"So that's another fantastic King Crab season done" I turned around to look at them, confusion on my face. "We're finished fishing?" Andy smiled at me. "Yup, we're heading home as we speak, you psyched to get home early?

I turned away from him, looking down at the eggs in the pan. "Yeah I guess"

I mumbled it, I was not happy, I didn't have a home to go to, and nothing was properly confirmed between me and John. What if he kept his promise, and then flew off back home, I would probably never see him again. Everything felt like it was going wrong. Russell came to stand beside me. "Hey Charlie, when we get back to port, I would like you to meet my daughter"

I looked at him with surprise, I didn't know he had a daughter, I scolded myself for not even asking him. "Sure Russ, that would be cool!"

I smiled at him, he had been so much more relaxed with everyone these past few days, and it was good to see him laughing and joking with the guys. My thoughts returned to what I was going to do once we were back in port, I was afraid. I set about dishing the food up onto the table, smiling as the guys dived into it like a pack of ravenous dogs. Andy turned to the wheelhouse and with a mouthful of scrambled eggs, shouted upstairs.

"John, you snooze you lose brother!" No sooner had he finished his sentence, their was a thunderous noise on the stairs, as Johnathan came running into the galley, eyeing up the plates of food. "Now that's what I call a fucking breakfast!" He winked at me before squeezing himself between Scott and Neal to take a seat at the table. I just stood there watching the crew tucking into the food and appreciating my efforts, my appetite was suddenly gone. Johnathan had noticed that I hadn't joined them at the table.

"You not hungry hun?" He looked at bit concerned. I smiled at him. "After watching you guys eating, no!"

The guys started to laugh in between mouthfuls, but none of them took their eyes off of their plates. "This is the best breakfast we have had out here... no offence Neal" Andy quickly added, after all Neal had done the majority of the cooking during this trip. He was apparently their favoured chef on board, Neal just shook his head. "None taken, this is great!"

The rest of the guys all grunted their agreement, I just shook my head and turned to start the cleaning, despite having done the cooking, I knew what these guys were like when it came to doing the dishes. They could brave the Bering Sea and the worst she could throw at them, but when it came to whose turn it was to do the dishes, they became moaning kids! Very soon each one of them came and dropped their dishes next to me as they finished their breakfast, then a pair of arms slowly snaked around my waist.

"They are so happy, you spoilt them with that breakfast" I lent backwards into his strong embrace, I sighed. "Good, I'm glad" Johnathan gently placed a kiss on my head, then turned me around to face him, he still had that worried look on his face. "You seem distracted, what's the matter baby?" Trust him to be able to read me so well already. "I'm just thinking about going home"

"And that makes you sad?" I sighed. "Yeah, kinda, I was living in a motel, I only went to Dutch to get a job, I honestly didn't think I would get one, and now after being out here, living on this boat, the motel doesn't seem so nice" I took a deep breath after my speech. Johnathan just chuckled. "Do you always worry so much?"

I looked at him, looking slightly offended in the way he knew I was joking. "I like to call it over thinking actually!" He pulled me into a bear hug, I could feel his deep rumbling chuckle vibrating in his chest and on my cheek. "Well you've got me to look after you now hun, don't worry about a thing OK? Trust me"

I closed my eyes, desperately hoping that he was right, and that everything would work itself out. It felt nice to hear him say those words, with Johnathan I felt safe, I really wanted to be looked after. I just wanted to let go of all the fears from my past, but I couldn't help thinking that I may never see him again after we got back into port. He slowly skirted his hands up my back to my neck, and then back down, finally resting his hands on my hips. I sighed with contentment, I loved it when he did that, he lent down and planted a kiss on my lips, before looking me straight in my eyes.

"I mean it. I'm going to take care of you from now on Charlie" How was it he seemed to know what I was thinking? It was like those deep brown eyes could look right into my soul and read my deepest thoughts and feelings. "Come on, let's watch a movie"

He put his arm around me as we walked out of the kitchen and into the galley. I sat down as he flicked through the huge DVD collection the Time Bandit held, watching him I wondered if I was just over reacting, over thinking, maybe John was serious, maybe he was going to take care of me, just like he promised. As he came and sat beside me, placing one arm protectively round my shoulders, all my worries disappeared, even if he didn't mean it, I'd still live, I'd been through worse and was still here, right? What I didn't realise was, it was not going to be that easy.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen: Braving Dutch Harbor (Part 1)**

I was bored, we had just arrived to start the processing of the crab, and I was sat in the wheelhouse with the rest of the crew, being subjected to (as I was to be told, the normal) 'post-it note' speech from Andy. I didn't know why I was here, after all I wasn't expected to keep track on the crab numbers. As the speech ended with Andy's last remark.

"And if I show you this one, you're fired. Now get to work, you know the drill"

It was weird, seeing him suddenly change into the professional I knew he was, after an hour ago, he had helped Johnathan set up a cluster of Seal Bombs to detonate, purely for their personal entertainment, but at the expense of Mike & Scott. But it gave me an all new found respect for him, when he had said those words 'you're fired' he had looked deadly serious. The rest of crew made their way on to deck to join Johnathan who was already out there, getting ready to start the offload, I watched from out of the window, taking a seat in the co-captains seat, they looked like a well-oiled machine as they never spoke, but knew automatically who was to do which job. Andy was sat looking at Johnathan's figures, he was muttering under his breath, tutting and shaking his head. I turned to look at him.

"What's the matter?" He glanced up at me frowning, almost like he had forgotten I was there. He sighed. "Something just doesn't add up, I don't know if the guys counted wrong, or John wrote them down wrong..."

His voice trailed off as he buried himself in the book once again. I turned to look out of the window again, I only knew a little about the crab count, but I knew that it was bad if we hadn't caught enough, but it would be ten times worse if it was too much. I leaned forwards in the seat to get a better look at Johnathan, he was laughing and joking with one of the processors, and almost as though he knew I was looking, he turned and waved up at me, tapping the processor's arm to point me out. I suddenly felt self conscious, so I quickly returned the wave, and sat back in the chair. My thoughts quickly turned to whether or not I had actually packed everything back into my bag, so I made my way downstairs to head to my stateroom, when I was met by Johnathan, who looked confused at me.

"What was that?" I tried to act dumb. "What was what?"

"The 'I-Don't-Really-Wanna-Be-Seen thing?" I sighed and shrugged my shoulders, I honestly didn't have an answer for him, at least not one he would believe. He stepped towards me, putting his hands on my shoulders. "Baby, I'm happy, and I wanna show you off, that's all, OK?" I looked up into those deep brown eyes, god how I loved those eyes. I smiled and nodded.

"Good, now give me some sugar!" I laughed as I stepped into his arms, reaching up to give him a kiss, it was only meant to be gentle, but before I knew it, it grew more and more passionate, his hands were driving me crazy! Suddenly when it felt dangerously close to getting completely out of control, he pulled away. "Shit! Andy's gonna kill me...I need to get back on deck!"

"Well you better sort yourself out first" I pointed downwards and proceeded to start laughing at him, as he tried to rearrange himself, he just narrowed his eyes at me. "Don't worry, I'll get my own back later!"

He winked at me, placing a final peck on my lips before heading back outside. I lazily headed into my stateroom, and double checked everything was packed away. Satisfied everything was there, I headed back up to join Andy in the wheelhouse, only to find he was not there. On hearing shouting from on deck, I glanced down and there was Andy ripping Johnathan a new one, I winced, knowing it was my fault that John had left the deck. I knew that Johnathan would be able to look after himself, I just hated being the cause of these brothers arguing. I decided to make myself scarce, at least if I wasn't in view, Johnathan couldn't get into trouble. As I headed into the galley, Andy came in, I braced myself for a tirade, but instead he smiled at me.

"Hey hun, not bored yet are you?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "No..." I said it cautiously. "Andy, it was my fault Johnathan disappeared off deck for a while"

Andy looked at me confused. "John disappeared off deck?" It dawned on me that he was shouting at Johnathan about something else, damn it! "It was only for a minute..." I quickly added, not wanting to start him off again.

Andy shrugged his shoulders, turned away from me, then turned back to face me. "Did you see me shouting at Johnathan?" I nodded sheepishly. He chuckled lightly. "It was about business hun, crab count is not right, that's all" He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Sometimes, business gets me worked up, you'll get used to it. And besides John doesn't tend to listen to me when I get like that!" I smiled back at him, this man sure was complicated.

**Part 2**

A few hours later I was stood on deck as we were pulling into Dutch Harbor, there stood on the dock was a large group of women and children. I started to breath deeply, I was nervous about meeting the women behind the crabbers, I hoped they didn't take it too badly that I was a woman. As the guys secured the ropes, I could see that everyone was excited to being home and reunited with their loved ones. I stood on deck watching the hugs, kisses and tears of joy, I smiled with small tears in my eyes.

"Come on baby, let's go meet the rest of the family huh?" Johnathan put his arm around my waist, as we climbed onto the dock, we were immediately bombarded. "Uncle John!" A young woman of about 19 rushed towards him and threw herself onto him. He laughed and swung her around in a large circle.

"How's my little Cassandra?" Cassandra looked at him with a pout. "Not so little now!" He chuckled and placed her back on her feet. "Charlie, this is Andy's youngest daughter" I smiled at her, she smiled back at me with a curious look on her face, before heading back to her dad.

"Hey Charlie!" I turned to see Russell calling to me, he had a young girl with him, I took a deep breath, it was his daughter. She looked like Elizabeth did, a couple of years older, but she was the spitting image of her. Johnathan must have seen the fear on my face, as he came up to put a reassuring arm around me.

"Ya want me to come with you?" I looked at him and nodded, he gave me a small smile and squeezed me before we headed over to where Russell was standing. Before I could do or say anything, the little girl threw herself at my legs, wrapping her arms tightly around them.

"Hi Auntie Charlie! I'm so pleased to meet you!" I closed my eyes, only to have them opened by Johnathan squeezing my shoulder again. I knelt down and hugged her, I was bowled over with this girl's confidence and love. I stood up, she had a beaming smile on her face, I looked at Russell with tears in my eyes.

"She's so beautiful, she looks like..."

"Elizabeth" Our eyes met, and I could see he was emotional too. I turned to face Johnathan, he had stepped back to give us some space, but I needed him close to me, I was still so scared, I had never experienced this before, and felt out of my depth. He came to my rescue.

"We should go and get ourselves into a motel before heading to the bar, before the Northwestern guys book up all the best rooms!"

Russell smiled. "No problems, I'll get this little one back home to her mum, and I'll join you later"

Johnathan and I headed off in his truck, we sat in a comfortable silence. We didn't have to travel too far until we arrived at a small motel, the same one I had used a few weeks ago. As we checked in and headed off for a room, I suddenly got nervous, was the promise about to be delivered? As we stood outside the room, I froze as Johnathan fiddled with the key in the door, he finally managed to open it, turning to me, he stopped when he saw the look on his face.

"What's the matter baby?" I looked at him, not sure how to say what I was feeling. "Johnathan, you know, it's... well... it's been a while, since I, you know?"

He smiled that trademark mischievous grin, before taking my hand, then proceeding to drag me through the open door, closing it with a swift kick. He took our bags and threw them into the far corner, and then putting his hands on my hips he slowly kissed me, trailing kisses from my mouth down my neck, and back again. My head was going fuzzy, and then, just when I couldn't take any more, he looked at me wiggling his eyebrows. "Now, let's see if we can't refresh your memory!"


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen: Things Are Never Easy**

I stood in the shower, enjoying the feeling of the warm water on my body, I was on an incredible high, I just couldn't believe everything that had happened to me in the last month. As I climbed out and wrapped a towel around myself, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and to my horror, I saw a hickey appearing on my neck. Oh brilliant, Johnathan was going to pay for that! I headed into the bedroom and sifted through my bag, desperately searching for something to wear to the bar tonight. When the door opened, I turned to see Johnathan coming in carrying 2 cups of steaming coffee. When he saw me, he started to pout.

"I was hoping you'd still be in bed" I crossed my arms. "I feared for my life, so I decided to escape while I could!"

He started laughing, putting the coffees down, he came over to me, he put his hands on my shoulders. He looked at me with a soft expression. "Are you OK?" I looked up at him, deciding to tease him some more. "Oh yeah, I ache more than the whole fishing trip, and I have a massive bruise forming on my neck..." He grinned at me. "But yes, I'm more than OK" He wrapped me in his arms, I sighed. "Good. And... I'm, er, sorry about the bruise!"

"It's OK, I'm thinking of increasing my garlic intake..." He started to chuckle. "Cheeky..." I smiled at him, turning to the bed, I picked up a couple of items of clothing, I looked back at him. "Well it's jeans or jeans, what do you think?"

He looked deadly serious, pondering my question, before answering. "Definitely Jeans!"

We smiled at each other, I couldn't believe how comfortable we were in each other's company, cracking stupid jokes with each other. It was like we had known each other for years, Johnathan headed to the bathroom, and I slowly started to get dressed. Once dressed, I sat on the bed and started to sip my coffee. Slowly my thoughts were drifting to what would happen now, me and Johnathan hadn't spoken about the future, about what we were, only that he would look after me from now on. And although I was happier than I had been in such a long time, I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong. A couple of minutes Johnathan came out again, he grabbed his coffee and just stood there and downed it. He looked at me.

"You ready baby?" I shook my head at him with amusement. "You must be thirsty!" He grinned at me. "Hell Yeah! I'm looking forward to having a beer in one hand and my girl in the other"

"Oh, and who's that then?" I raised an eyebrow at him, wearing a smile. He matched my look and stalked over to me. "Keep teasing me, and you won't find out!" He smiled at me and placed a kiss on my lips. Turning to pick up his jacket, he stopped at the door, looking back at me.

"So you coming or not?" I jumped up from the bed, grabbing my jacket I followed him out towards the bar. I was playing his comment over in my head, had he been teasing me? Then as we started to walk towards the bar, John grabbed my hand, and we walked along holding hands like a regular couple.

"It's gonna be a cold one tonight" Johnathan pulled the collar up on his jacket, and than he looked at me. "Are you gonna be alright with that jacket hun? I can always go back and get you another one?"

"I'm fine John..." He sounded so sweet when he was concerned. We carried on walking for a few more minutes in silence, just as we were nearing the bar, Johnathan stopped walking, bringing us to an abrupt halt. I looked confused. "What's the matter Johnathan?"

He looked at me, suddenly he looked worried. He looked like he was choosing his words carefully. He cleared his throat before speaking. "Baby, there's, um, there's probably gonna be a lot of girls there..."

I knew where this was heading and I sighed quietly to myself. He looked at me, I just nodded for him to continue. "Well, I've probably been with..." I suddenly didn't want to hear him say the words, I put my hand up to stop him. "I believe someone once said to me, we all have skeletons in our closets, these one's are not important, unless you think they are?"

Johnathan softly smiled at me, I think he was glad that I saved him from having to say anything. We continued into the bar, which was packed with all the returning fishermen and their admirers. I suddenly felt over dressed in my jeans and t-shirt, I could see how this could be hard to resist for the men, just like being a child in a sweet shop. Suddenly there was a loud cheer from the back.

"Hey John, Charlie, over here!" We turned to the shouts and there was the rest of the crew sat around a large table, waving crazily at us.

"Looks like they have got a head start on the drinking!"

Johnathan nodded and hurriedly pulled me through the mass of people who were crowded into the bar. As we made our way to the table I couldn't help but notice that I was getting a lot of dirty looks from a lot of girls, I tried to shake off the bad feelings that were building inside me. When we got to the table, Scott jumped up and gave me a big hug, it was obvious that he had a few to drink, Johnathan just laughed. "Hey hands off Scotty!"

Scott looked embarrassed and muttered an apology before sitting back down. Andy called to a bar maid who was making the rounds. "Hey hun, can we have a couple more beers over here when you're ready?" She smiled flirtatiously at him. "Sure thing cowboy!" As she wandered off to go and get them, Andy's eyes followed her.

"Hey! Remember, you're married brother!" Johnathan shot a warning look to his younger brother, who guiltily returned his eyes to the table. Soon we were chatting about the money we had all made, and enjoying each other's company, laughing and joking, when Mike suddenly jumped up from the table with a massive cheer, the guys turned to look where he was looking and soon they all joined in. I looked in the same direction and I saw a guy wearing a foot brace and a massive smile slowly making his way towards where we were.

"Eddy! So good to see you brother!" Andy gave the man a hug and slapped him on the back, he grinned in reply. "It's good to see you all too! Hope you didn't miss me too much..." Suddenly he caught sight of me. "Wow, John you work fast!" Johnathan's face flushed slightly before he spoke. "Actually, this is Charlie, she was our replacement for you Eddy"

Now it was Eddy's turn to look embarrassed, he lent over to shake my hand. "Sorry about that, so you were me this season huh? How did ya find it?" I smiled. "Not too bad, once they had gotten over the shock of me being a woman!" He laughed. "Yeah I can get that, think I'd have been shocked to!"

He sat down and the chatting and bantering started up again, I needed to go and stretch my legs and decided to leave them to it for a few minutes, standing up I squeezed past Johnathan, he stopped me to grab a kiss and asked me where I was going, once I told him, he let me go on my way. I stood outside, breathing in the cold night air, Johnathan had been right, it was bitterly cold, but it was nice. That was when a movement out the corner of my eye caught my attention, a man with blonde hair was having a smoke and watching me. I turned to look at him and he smiled before walking towards me.

"Hi, I'm Sig, and you are...?"

"Enjoying the weather"

He started to laugh. "Wow, you bite!"

I smiled confidently back at him, he continued to smoke, and we stood in silence.

"You know, I wasn't trying to hit on you, I saw who you arrived with after all, it's just not normal for Johnathan to walk in with a girl, if you know what I mean?" I nodded and stared ahead. "So... you gonna tell me who you are, or do I have to keep guessing?"

I contemplated my reply. "I worked on his boat this season" His face suddenly brightened at my words. "Oh... so you're the great Charlie that Johnathan's been bragging about?"

I looked at him with amusement. "Bragging?"

"Oh yeah, the radio's been going non-stop about you sweetheart!" I smiled, I could feel my cheeks were starting to burn, even with the cold. As I decided to make my excuses to go back inside, I started to hear shouting from inside, I could tell John was one of the voices. We both turned to look through the window and there was Johnathan and Russell in each other's faces across the table. Neal and Andy were both trying, unsuccessfully to diffuse the situation. I quickly dived back inside the bar, followed closely by Sig, I made my way over to them, putting my hand on John's arm, he turned his head towards me and looked straight through me, before returning his glare to Russell.

"You wanna take this outside Newberry?" I tightened my grip on John's arm, but he shrugged me off. I turned to Russell, but he was already making his way out of the bar, Johnathan in hot pursuit. "What the hell is going on Andy?" I looked at him, desperate to find out what had happened, everything had seemed fine before I'd left to go outside. He looked at me sympathetically.

"Just sorting out some unfinished business hun, try not to worry about it" With that said he dashed out after them, followed by the majority of people in the bar, a fight, it seemed, was inevitable and worthwhile entertainment in their opinion. I pushed my way through the mass of people already crowded around Johnathan and Russell, when suddenly they all exploded with a cheer as the fighting started.

I was stuck in the crowd, and all I could do was watch them going at it, trading punches, until they eventually fell to the ground, rolling around, swinging wildly at one another. Johnathan had the upper hand, and had Russell pinned to the ground, he lifted his fist and landed a punch straight on Russell's nose, which immediately started to pour profusely with blood.

"STOP IT!"

I pushed forwards with all my might, until I stood in front of the crowd, Johnathan looked at me, and it was like he suddenly saw who I was. He looked down at the bloodied Russell and quickly stood up, the crowd realised that it was all over and slowly made their way back inside. I was shaking, literally shaking, and I couldn't stop. Russell was struggling to sit up, and I rushed to him to try and help. I looked over at Johnathan.

"What the fuck have you done?" Johnathan looked shocked at my reaction. "Something I should have done a VERY long time ago" I shook my head at him, looking down at Russell, and back at John. "Was it necessary to break his fucking nose?"

He looked down at the ground, kicking at the dirt. "Maybe not, but he got me angry"

"No shit"

With that Johnathan stomped over to me, I'd never seen him look so out of control. "Why don't you ask him what he said to me, about us huh? How I would never be any good for you, how I'd end up breaking your heart, that it would be better to end it now, before I ended up cheating on you!"

I looked down at Russell, who was desperately trying to stop the bleeding from his nose. "Is... is that true Russell? Did you really say that?"

He looked up and all he could do was nod. I knelt down and put my hand on his back. "Russell, I'm a big girl, you have to let me live my life"

"I know, but I don't want to see you getting hurt again"

Johnathan growled, I shot him a warning look.

"Well, let's get you to the hospital, you need that looked at" I stood up, helping Russell to his feet, I then turned to look at Johnathan. "We'll talk later"

"If you say so" He turned and walked back to the bar, leaving me outside in the cold, in more ways than one.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty: Fighting Inner Demons**

It was 2 hours later, and after a lengthy argument I had left Russell at the hospital to try and talk to Johnathan. As the cab pulled up outside the bar where we had been having a nice evening before all hell had broken loose, I started to get nervous. Johnathan's frosty attitude had left me reeling, in fact I was beginning to feel like this had all been a bad idea, that we were destined to not be together. I paid the driver and climbed out of the back, noting that the bar was a lot quieter than it had been. I took some deep breaths and headed inside, scanning the room I noticed that Andy, Neal & Scott were still sitting at the table, but there was, to my dismay, no sign of Johnathan. Neal was the first to see me, quickly getting Andy's attention, by tapping his arm, and pointing at me.

"How's Russell hun?" Andy sounded genuinely concerned, which gave me a small amount of relief. "He's OK, his nose is broken, but they said he shouldn't need surgery"

"Well that's good news, I guess" Neal said with a half smile, I nodded, before asking the question I was dreading the answer to. "Where's Johnathan?"

Andy looked nervously at me, before speaking. "He left shortly after you went to the hospital hun... he didn't say where he was going though"

I looked down at the floor, I started to fear the worst, he's with some woman, quickly forgetting about me, I couldn't believe how everything had gone so wrong in such a short space of time. "Did he leave with anyone?" I asked it quietly, I didn't really want to know the answer, Andy started to shake his head. "Oh God no Charlie, he just wanted some space, please don't think like that!" He quickly stood up and put his arms around me, I felt some tears slipping down my face, how had I fallen so hard for him? For a moment no one said anything, then I shook myself out of it.

"I have to find him Andy, I need to speak to him" Andy nodded, looking at Neal and Scott, then back to me. "You might wanna try the boat hun..."

Before he finished what he was about to say, I was out of the bar and running as fast as I could to the dock, of course he would be there, why hadn't I thought of it? As I neared the dock, I saw the Time Bandit, and there, like a beacon of hope, was a light in the wheelhouse, I'd found him. I carefully stepped over the rail and onto the deck, there was a thin layer of ice covering the deck, it looked beautiful in the light cast from the wheelhouse, I knew why he loved this boat so much. When I got to the door, I found it was locked from the inside. I guess he really wants to be alone, I stood between the pots that were stacked up, wondering how I was going to get his attention.

I fumbled in my pocket and found my phone, I'd tried calling him a bunch of times in the cab over here, but he was ignoring me, I quickly pressed redial and hoped that he would answer this one last time. No reply. Damn it! Suddenly I started to form a really crazy idea, maybe, if I was careful, I could climb up the pots and see into the wheelhouse, then he'd know I was there, that I wanted to see him. I slowly, but surely made my way up the pots, carefully placing my feet and hands, so I did not slip, until I reached the top of the stack, I chanced a look down towards the deck, it was a lot higher than I'd imagined! I looked into the wheelhouse, but there was no sign of Johnathan, where was he? I climbed on my hands and knees towards the window, desperate to catch a glimpse of him, I was not feeling safe up here, and I was fast regretting my plan, but if I could get him to see me, then it was worth it.

I started to feel numb from the cold, I started to blow hot air onto my hands, where the hell was he? Just as I gave up, my mind racing with other possibilities of communicating my need to see him and speak to him, I saw the door to his stateroom open, and there he was, he looked like he had been sleeping, I quickly knocked on the window, giving him a small wave when he glanced towards the noise. He was not pleased to see me, in fact he was down right pissed, he came to the co-captains window and opened it, that's when he started shouting at me.

"What the fuck are you doing up there? How long have you been sitting in the cold? Why didn't you call me?..." Before he could continue his tirade, I don't know why, but I started to laugh, quietly at first, but soon enough it was a heartfelt deep laugh. His confused face only fuelled my laughter, but suddenly he started to grin at me and joined in with the laughter. "Get the fuck down Charlie, I'll open the door, OK?"

I was still quietly chuckling to myself, but I nodded, and slowly started to make my way down the stack of pots. My hands were so cold, it was getting harder and harder to keep a good grip on the pots as I descended, this was definitely NOT one of your best ideas Charlie, I scolded myself. I was so grateful when I was able to jump the last foot, thankful to have my feet firmly planted on the deck, as I landed, the door swung open, and there was Johnathan smiling. I climbed into the boat, and threw my arms around him. "Jesus Charlie, you're frozen!"

I nodded. "I waited for ages out there" He quickly pulled me into the galley and set about getting a hot drink made for me, he disappeared out of the kitchen for a moment, reappearing with a blanket for me, wrapping it around me, he stooped down and gave me a kiss. I smiled up at him, silently giving him my appreciation. As he poured us both a drink, my hands started to warm up, I sat rubbing them together, to ease the painful tingling that was screaming at me. He put our drinks down and sat opposite me.

"You warming up now hun?" I nodded, shrugging the blanket off of my shoulders to pick up my cup. "Is Russell OK?" I looked at him, trying to gauge whether he was being genuine with this question, I could tell straight away, he was. I took a sip of the coffee, and replaced the cup on the table. "He's fine, won't need surgery"

He sighed, leaning forward in his seat, he reached across the table to me, gently taking my hands in his. "I understand if you don't want to be my girlfriend, what I did tonight was, well it was pretty stupid... I'm sorry" I looked at him, shocked. "Why would I not want to be your girlfriend?" He looked me straight in the eyes. "Because you deserve better than I can give you" I snorted at him. "Says who? Russell? Well he's my brother, and last time I checked, not in control of my life! I say whether you're good enough for me, no one else, and that goes for YOU too!"

He looked at me with slight amusement in his eyes, before shaking his head. "What Russell said tonight is true, I've been with a lot of different women, never truly settling down, I've always been like that Charlie, and I always will be, I don't want to break your heart by pretending to be something I'm not"

I pulled my hands away from him, tears were threatening in my eyes, but they were from anger. "So you're just going to give up, before we've even started, is that it?"

"I think it's for the best hun..." I stood up, the red mist dangerously close to dropping, I thought it was me that would give up first, not Johnathan, this was not the man I thought I knew. "Well I guess the great Johnathan Hillstrand is a bloody great coward then!" He stood up, now he was the one with the look of anger in his eyes, good I'd provoked a reaction out of him. "I'm not a coward!"

I laughed at him. "Then why are you not fighting for this? I'm fighting for us Johnathan, I just climbed a stack of crab pots to fight for us... Don't you want me any more?" He quickly stepped around the table and swept me into his arms, we looked at each other, and I could see there were tears in his eyes.

"How could I not want you Charlie? You're the best thing to happen to me... for a very long time..." I sighed. "But...?"

He closed his eyes, almost like it pained him to say the words. "But I know that I'm going to fuck it up, and it would kill me to hurt you... I'd die for you Charlie... I really would" He opened his eyes and looked at me, those deep brown eyes were filled with sadness, he was fighting his own demons, like me, and I needed to show him that I was not going to leave that easily. I reached up and kissed him.

"When you look at me, do you want another woman?"

"No"

I kissed him again. "When you're with me, are you happy?"

"Yes"

I kissed him once more. "Then I'm not afraid, and neither should you be, we just have to trust each other, OK?"

He looked at me and smiled. "OK"

We held each other for a few minutes, just content with the silence that surrounded us. "You know, I'm still angry that you climbed up there" I laughed. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't get in, I saw the light on and figured..."

"You could be spider-woman?" We both laughed. "Something like that" He looked at me with a seriousness in his eyes. "Don't do anything like that again, promise me"

"I won't, I promise"

"Good, now let's go get you warmed up properly!" With that he slung me over his shoulder and walked upstairs to the stateroom. "If you bite me again Hillstrand, you'll be sorry!" He smacked my arse, followed by a laugh. "Is that a promise?"


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One: The Future Is Ours To Live**

I awoke the next morning to find that Johnathan was not in bed, I rubbed my eyes and tried to blink the sleep away. I sat up slowly, scanning the room for my clothes, finding them I got out of bed and quickly got dressed, walking out of the room and heading down the stairs. When I reached the galley, there was Johnathan busy cooking in the kitchen, he turned to look at me with a look of annoyance on his face.

"Don't you ever stay in bed?"

I looked at him sheepishly. "Sorry, I wondered where you were..." He smiled. "Trying to cook you a surprise breakfast in bed, but you've spoilt it now!" He pouted at me and I smiled back. "Well I can always go back to bed if you want?"

"Yes please" He turned back to the food, I smiled and made my way back to the room. I sat on the bed waiting for him to return, which didn't take long. He handed me a plate. "Bloody hell Johnathan, am I supposed to eat that or climb it?"

He looked at me all confused, then realised I was, in fact, referring to the mountain of food piled on the plates he was carrying. "Sorry I forgot we're not fishing... bad habit!" I shook my head with a smile on my face. "It's OK, it smells delicious... Thank you"

I lent over and planted a kiss on his cheek, he grinned and started to tuck into his breakfast. As we finished our breakfast, there came a low, but obvious buzzing noise emanating from Johnathan's jeans. "Is that your phone hun?" He listened and then closed his eyes and sighed to the ceiling. "Shit! I forgot I left it on vibrate last night..." He got up and reached into his pocket, pulling his phone out just as it stopped ringing. "Andy..."

I watched him as he quickly called Andy back. "Hey Bro! What's up?" He rolled his eyes at me and sighed. "Yes Charlie found me, everything's fine, stop freaking out, OK?"

I smiled, then Johnathan put the phone on the speaker phone setting, allowing me to hear what Andy was saying. "It was pretty dumb of you to walk off like that John, you have any idea what she was thinking when she came to find you gone? Brother, you seriously need to sort your head out, just tell her you love her and be done with it, OK?"

Johnathan smile faltered slightly, but he quickly regained his composure. "We'll talk later Andy, OK?" A statement, not a question. But Andy was his brother and didn't give up that easy. "Did you even hear me John? For God's Sake man up and tell her... or I will!"

Andy then hung up the phone, leaving me and Johnathan staring at each other in silence. I didn't know what to say, was it true, did he love me? I didn't even know if I loved him, I mean, sure I knew I wanted to fight to keep us together, but it was too early to feel that strongly, wasn't it? Johnathan was scrolling through his phone, sighing and tutting every so often. I decided to be the first to break the awkward silence that had descended on us.

"So what we doing today then Captain?" He looked up at me, a smile on his face, he came and sat down next to me, stroking my cheek with his hand. "I'm so lucky..."

"I know you are..." I cheekily replied. He grinned at me, then continued. "No, I mean it, what other woman would just skip over what they just heard?" I shrugged. "I don't know, just figured you might not want to talk about it" He looked deeply at me, and I decided to change the subject again. "So what are we doing today?"

He lent forwards and gently kissed me. "Well I thought we would start with me telling you that I love you..." He looked at me, the serious Johnathan staring intently at me. "I love you Charlie" I looked at him, this wonderful man, I knew that he meant it, and I realised in that moment that I wanted him to say that to me every day for the rest of my life. "I love you too Johnathan"

As soon as I said it, I knew that I meant it, with every fibre in my body. I knew that everything was going to be fine, that we would muddle through whatever life could throw at us, and come out stronger because of it. As we held each other, oblivious to anything other than us, in that moment, I knew that, somehow, against all odds, I had my man. I had Johnathan Hillstrand. The Bad Boy had finally been tamed.

**THE END**


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